6:04 AM
6 Rules for ‘Happy Birthday’ Etiquette in the Age of Facebook
We’ve
reached a point in history where social media has been around long
enough to require some etiquette rules. Don’t post about fights you’re
having with your spouse. No inspirational quotes. Limit pictures of
your children to only the super cute ones.
But birthdays have
become complicated to the point where people don’t know the rules
anymore. Facebook has changed the whole birthday game, as it were. No
longer do people get credit for remembering the day you graced
humanity; now they get an alert (and a follow-up reminder!) about it.
The ease of remembering has led to confusion about how to offer the
appropriate “happy birthday” greeting.
To many, the day of
one's birth remains something to celebrate. Birthday wishes are
received, cake is eaten, perhaps gifts are given. Sure, there are some
who shrug off the whole thing as a celebration for children. But those
people have dark, black souls and should be shunned.
For everyone else, Here are the general guidelines for modern-day happy-birthday-wishing:
Midnight, in person:
A requirement for your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Watch the
clock, and then give your special someone a big kiss. Don't tell me you
don't stay up until midnight—you're not 100 and, if you are, then all
the more reason to greet 101 as soon as it arrives.
Midnight, via call or text:
If you're close with your sibling, you call at midnight. You have the
same eyes, you put up with your crazy parents together, you know things
about each other that can't be put into words. Honor them with a call
at midnight. Text if you must, but then follow-up with a call the next
day. You get bonus points if you get your greeting in before their
spouse does.
By telephone: Old
friends with whom you are still close and any member of your family
should get a phone call. If you’ve known someone since you were
children or teenagers, and you stayed in touch in the days before
social media and cell phones, you call on their birthday, even if you
think a Facebook wall post would suffice. You wish them well, you
remind them of how awesome they are and you make plans (which you then
keep!) to celebrate their birthday in the near future. It should go
without saying—but it doesn’t—that you call your mother, your aunt, and
anyone you are related to on their birthdays. Don’t leave messages
(ever, really, but especially not on someone’s special day). You’re not
as busy as you think, try them again.
Calling preferred, texting permitted:
Friends you’ve made in the past five years. New friends are where the
birthday greeting gets somewhat tricky. As you get older, you will meet
fewer new people and connect with only a small number of them. If you
are close enough to text a few times a week, then a text is the minimum
of what you should do. If you talk on the phone, like people did in the
days of yore, then you need to call. Even if you don’t text but go out
once or twice a month, recognize how difficult it is to meet someone
and hit it off after a certain age, and, at minimum, text them to say
happy birthday.
Post on a Facebook wall/send a tweet:
Old friends with whom you keep in touch on Facebook only. Acquaintances
who you like, but with whom you have limited interaction.
Twitter-friends. I'm not against the Facebook wall post, or tweet, but
it's not for every person in your life. If your friendship “lives” on
social media, it's fine to keep it there. But understand that it’s not
for everyone.
On your own Facebook wall/Instagram feed:
Don’t do this. Really. We all know you love your BFF 4EVA but unless
you’re under 20, and even then, putting up a collage of pictures and
wishing your friend a happy birthday on your own page is just cheesy.
The exceptions to this might be a milestone birthday or during a year
when your friend has really helped you through a hard time. Otherwise,
just don’t. Spouse and sibling birthday wishes in this manner are
sometimes OK, but, again, limit them to special birthdays, not yearly.
Celebrating
birthdays, whether your own or that of family and friends, is a happy
occasion. Let’s not mar that with over use of the Facebook wall or
texting when we should call. Social media should be complementary to
other kinds of interaction, not in place of it. And birthdays are a
good time to pause and reflect—off-line—on the important relationships
in your life.
